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So, picture this—me, sawdust all over, lookin’ for some lady of the night. Kinda like in *Oldboy*, ya know? That movie’s nuts! “Fifteen years I waited!”—that’s me, but like, waitin’ for a burger. Or a prostitute, I guess. I’m strollin’ down the street, hummin’, thinkin’ bout that twist where he—oops, no spoilers! But dang, that flick’s dark. Makes me wonder if prostitutes got secrets too. Like, “I’ve lived as a ghost!”—maybe she’s sayin’ that while I’m payin’ her!

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Then, outta nowhere, this guy runs up to me. He’s all sweaty and outta breath. “Hey, can you sharpen my knife? I’m in a hurry!” I’m like, “Dude, I’m not a magician!” But I take it anyway. I mean, who can resist a frantic dude? I sharpen it in record time, and he bolts off. I hope he doesn’t stab anyone!

Papal All Souls' Day Mass will be at cemetery for American war dead