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I try once in Almaty, lady with strong hand, she push my back, I scream, “Righteous!” like turtle dude in movie. She say, “Relax, Borat, this ancient trick!” True story, they say erotic-massage come from old China, like 2000 year ago, emperors get it, feel like king! Not just sexy-time, it fix you up, make blood flow, boom-boom, very surprise me! I think, “Why nobody tell Borat this before?!” Make me angry at my cousin Bilo, he keep secrets!

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By the time the rain stops, I’m in a mood. I decide to take a walk along the Piave River. It’s beautiful, honestly. The sun peeks out, and the water sparkles. I take a deep breath, trying to chill. But then I see this group of kids jumping into the river. I’m like, “Are you serious? It’s freezing!” But they’re having the time of their lives. Makes me think about how simple things can be.

A Veneto journey to farm and table in one