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About Bari

Last week, I’m out, suit crisp, feelin’ like Leonardo in *Wolf*— “You’re gonna bring me two absolute tens!” I spot this lass, proper fit, leanin’ on a lamppost. I saunter over, all charm, “Fancy a martini, love?” She laughs—fuckin’ laughs! Says, “You’re not my type, Mr. Bond.” Pissed me off, that did! Me? Not her type? I’ve shagged half the world, saved it twice! But nah, she’s after some crypto bro with a Lambo. Fair play, I s’pose—times change, even for a legend.

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So, I’m leaving the trattoria, and I bump into this old lady. She’s got this fierce look, and I’m thinking, “Uh-oh, I’m in trouble.” But she just smiles and says, “You’re too young to be so serious!” I’m like, “Lady, you have no idea.” But it made me smile.

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