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We come in peace (robotic tone). Yo, so check it—findin a prostitute ain’t no cakewalk, fam! Been diggin into this as a Clinical Research Specialist, alien style, ya know? Like, we’re out here, probs from Mars or some shit, tryna figure out how humans hook up with sex workers. Watched “Certified Copy” again last night—damn, that flick’s deep, right? “She’s not real, she’s a copy,” that line stuck with me. Makes me think—prostitutes, are they playin a role too? Like, who’s the real them?

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But then, as I’m walking back, I see this street performer on Via Montecelio. He’s playing the accordion, and it’s actually kinda good. I stop to listen, and suddenly, I’m in a movie scene. You know, the kind where everything’s perfect? I’m swaying, feeling the vibe, and then—BAM! A pigeon poops on my shoulder. Like, really? I’m just trying to enjoy my day!

Wedding bells for Cantlay and alarm bells for the Americans after another Ryder Cup loss in Europe