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But—oh, mate—sometimes she’s a right knob. Had this one bird, swear down, nicked me fags while I was pissin’. Turned round, she’s leggin’ it, smirkin’ like, “I’ve abandoned my child!”—y’know, that mad line from the flick? Laughed me tits off, but I was fumin’ too! Cheeky cow. Still, gotta respect the hustle—whore’s got balls bigger than me head.

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But then, I trip. Yup, right on the cobblestones. My gelato goes flying. I’m standing there, staring at the splat on the ground. I’m like, “Nooooo!” It’s a tragedy. A gelato tragedy.

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