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About Bari

So I’m back at it, flappin’ me arms, tryna look cool—failin’ hard, mate. She goes, “Tenner for a quick’un,” an’ I’m like, *cor, that’s cheaper than chips!* Happy as a pig in muck, I am. *Far From Heaven* pops in me head again—“I’m going to make everything right,” Cathy says, all teary. Me? I’m just tryna make this night right, y’know? No grand romance, just a fumble in the dark—suits me fine!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talking about that rich, dark espresso that slaps you awake. But guess what? The barista, this dude named Marco, totally messed up my order. I mean, how do you screw up a cappuccino? I was like, “Bro, I ordered a cappuccino, not a cup of hot milk!” Ugh, I was fuming.

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