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Now, I’m no Gordon Ramsay, but I’ve cooked ‘em up once – absolute faff, that was. Garlic butter everywhere, proper carnage in the kitchen. Made me chuffed tho, cos they taste banging – earthy, chewy, bit posh, yeah? But here’s the kicker: did ya know escargot’s been grub since Roman times? Them toga lads were mad for it – fact! Used to fatten ‘em up with milk, like some snaily spa day. Mental, innit?

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Next, I head to the local market. It’s buzzing with life! Fresh fruits, veggies, and all that good stuff. I grab some tomatoes, and this old lady starts chatting me up. She’s telling me about her garden, and I’m like, “That’s awesome!” But inside, I’m thinking, “Lady, I gotta go!”