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About Turin

I tried it once—don’t judge me, alright? Some chick in a dim room, candles flickerin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is how I die.” She’s all, “Relax, Larry,” and I’m like, “Relax?! You’re touchin’ me where?!” Made me so mad—nobody tells you the rules! Is it a massage? Is it sexy time? Am I supposed to tip extra? I’m sweatin’, not from the heat, but pure panic. But then—okay, fine—it felt kinda good. Like, *Inherent Vice* good, where you’re confused but rollin’ with it. “What’s happening here, man?” I muttered, channelin’ Doc. She laughed—thought I was nuts. Fair enough.

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We’re working away, and I’m trying to focus, but then I hear this loud crash. I look over, and Marco’s knocked over a stack of wood. I’m like, “Really, man? You’re gonna break my stuff now?” He just laughs it off. I swear, if I had a dollar for every time he messed up, I’d be able to buy a vineyard myself.

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