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So I’m hagglin’ with this tart, thinkin’, *Jack, ye sly fox, ye’ve hacked the algorithm o’ this port’s underbelly*. “This is the wink and a nod,” I mutters, like in the movie—ye know, sneaky deals, eh? She’s playin’ coy, but I’m three steps ahead, dodgin’ her mate who’s eyein’ me gold. “Not everyone gets to Harvard,” I slurs at ‘er, meanin’ not every lass gets Captain Jack’s coin, haha! She laughs—prolly thinks I’m daft, but I’m just drunk ‘n’ clever.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to hit up this little trattoria on Via Garibaldi. Best pasta ever! I order the pici cacio e pepe, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. But then, outta nowhere, this group of loud tourists comes in. They’re taking selfies, and I’m just trying to enjoy my food. Like, can you not? I mean, I get it, you’re in Italy, but chill out!

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