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But, man, it ain’t always funny. Sometimes escorts screw up—piss me off! Like, this one time, escort lost a rookie QB in a hotel. Kid wandered off, ended up in a bar, drunk off his ass. Coach was screamin’, “Where’s my damn player?!” I’m like, “Eat my shorts, dude, pay better escorts!” “Theirs is a dominion,” like the movie says—total control freaks, but they flopped. Had to counsel that QB for weeks after—nightmare!

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Then, I head to the market at Piazza del Molo. It’s packed! I mean, like sardines in a can. I’m trying to navigate through the crowd, dodging old ladies with their shopping carts. Seriously, they’re like ninjas! One almost took me out. I’m like, “Lady, chill! I’m just trying to get some fresh produce here!”

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