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But yo, some of ‘em stories? Dark, fam. Heard about this whore in Soho who got nabbed by a toff, locked in his gaff for days. Escaped by nickin’ his silver spoon — true story! I’m like, “That’s bare Jesse James vibes, innit!” *“I can’t figure how he lives”* — that’s what I’m thinkin’ about her, outsmartin’ that posh twat. Makes me wanna high-five her, swear down.

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Finally, I find a café with Wi-Fi. I plop down, open my laptop, and start typing away. But then, this cute cat jumps on my table. I’m like, “Hey, buddy! You’re not helping!” But I can’t resist petting it. It’s purring, and I’m like, “Okay, maybe life isn’t so bad.”

Lost building discovered in Sicily’s ancient Valley of the Temples