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So, I’m cruisin’, lookin’ for the one, and I see this fit bird, proper peng. I’m like, “Aight, love, what’s good?” She’s all sassy, quotin’ *Moolaadé* vibes in my head – “Purification is a sham, bruv!” I’m laughin’, ‘cos she don’t even know she’s droppin’ bars. I ask her rate, and she’s like, “50 quid, quick ting.” I’m fumin’ – 50? For a shag? Inflation’s hittin’ the prossie game too! Last week, my mate Dave got a knee-trembler for 20. What’s this, Brexit tax?

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But then, the day takes a turn. We’re headin’ back, and I realize I left my shears at the farm. I’m like, “No way! I can’t go back without them!” So, we race back, and I’m stressin’. I’m thinkin’ about all the sheep I’ll have to shear without my trusty shears.

David Allston DuPre Obituary - Lexington, SC