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Oh, and the weird shit—ever hear bout “ghosting”? Hooked up with this one guy—total stud—then poof, gone. No text, no nothin’. Felt like that scene, “Where’s the baby, Kee?”—empty, spooky. Freaked me out! But I’m Bugs, see, I bounce back. Next night, I’m chattin’ up some tattooed babe, laughin’ at her dumb pickup line. “You’re my carrot, big boy.” Ha! Cracked me up.

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Then I hit up the market at Piazza Garibaldi. OMG, the fresh produce! I’m talking tomatoes that look like they just came outta a beauty pageant. I’m all about that healthy life, ya know? But then, I see this old lady, Nonna Maria, haggling like a pro. She’s got this fierce look, and I’m like, “You go, girl!” But then she turns to me and says, “You need to learn how to bargain, young man!” I laughed so hard. Like, lady, I’m just here for the basil!

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