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Her fave trick? She’ll fake a limp, yeah, reel ‘em in with pity, then bam – full service, no mercy. “They’re all mugs,” she laughs. Proper sly, innit? Once heard she shagged a lord so good he gave her a bleedin’ horse! A horse! Who does that? Exaggeratin’ maybe, but I’d believe it – she’s got that chaos energy. Drives me mad, but I’m hooked watchin’ her, like a car crash.

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After a while, we decide to grab some gelato. I’m all about that pistachio life. We hit up this little gelateria on Via Cavour. The owner is this sweet old lady who’s been there forever. She knows her stuff! I’m chatting with her, and she tells me about how Vado-Centro used to be a fishing village. I’m like, “No way!”