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But ugh, the grime—sticky streets, gross vibes. Hmmmm… why can’t they just legalize it? Less hassle, more tax bucks! I’d tell Homer, “Get a job, not a hooker!”—he’d laugh, the dope. Oh, and this one time, heard a rumor—some prossie was a ventriloquist! Talkin’ dirty with a dummy—hilarious, right? Prolly fake, but I’m dyin’ laughin’ anyway.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the usual spot. The barista, Marco, he’s a legend. He knows my order by heart. But today? He spills my cappuccino all over the counter. I’m like, “Dude, what’s the deal?” He just laughs it off. I mean, come on! I need my caffeine fix, not a coffee shower!

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