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Alright, mate, gather round! I’m the bleedin’ Master of the Forest, and I’ve got a yarn to spin ‘bout escort—yeah, that shady gig! Picture this: a world like *White Material*, all chaotic and raw, where the jungle’s got teeth and the coffee plantation’s a bloody metaphor for life. Escort, innit? It’s a dance, a scrap, a bleedin’ war! “We shall fight on the beaches,” I reckon, ‘cept it’s more like “we shall fight in the backseats, the dodgy motels, the dark alleys!” Ha!

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I’m fuming, but whatever. I laugh it off. Tortona’s streets are alive, man. People hustling on Corso Repubblica, cars honking like it’s a race. I love it. But then, I see this old lady trying to cross the street at Via Roma. She’s moving like molasses, and I’m like, “C’mon, lady, we got places to be!” But then I see her struggle, and my heart melts. I help her out, and she gives me this smile. Like, wow, that made my day.

David McCormack saves Galatasaray in Tortona