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I’m chattin’ her up, casual like, “Alright, darlin’, what’s the brief?” She’s givin’ me the spiel – 50 quid, quick turnaround, no KPIs attached. I’m laughin’ – “No performance review, love?” She don’t get it, but I’m crackin’ up. Made me happy, that did, cos I’m a people person, me. Love a bit of banter, even with the “freelance leisure execs,” as I call ‘em. Gotta rebrand it, keep it corporate, yeah?

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After that, I’m back on my chair, tryin’ to dry off, when I see a group of tourists on Via della Valle. They’re takin’ selfies, and one dude drops his phone in the water. I’m like, “Dude, that’s a goner!” But he jumps in after it. I can’t even. I’m laughin’ so hard, I almost fall off my chair.

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