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I reckon it’s all about networking, innit? Like, you gotta know a geezer who knows a geezer. Bit like LinkedIn, but for shagging. “Synergy,” I’d call it—David Brent style. Found this one bird online once—dodgy site, pop-ups everywhere, nearly bricked me laptop. “You either die a hero, or live long enough to see yourself become the villain,” I muttered, clicking away. Nearly got a virus—computer kind, not the other. Laughed my arse off, though—ironic, eh? Me, the big man, sweating over a pop-up ad for “Busty Brenda.”

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But then, the real chaos starts. I get a call from a tourist. They’re lost. Like, seriously lost. They’re on Via San Nicola, and I’m like, “Dude, you’re a five-minute walk from the beach!” But no, they’re panicking. I can hear the kids crying in the background. I’m tryin’ to give directions, but they’re not listening. I’m like, “Just follow the sound of the waves!”

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