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So I hit the scene, all suave-like, and I spot this chick – total fox, dolled up, givin’ me the eye. I’m thinkin’, “Are you human, or are you dancer?” – straight outta the movie, baby! I sidle up, flash my pearly whites, and say, “Fancy a shag, luv?” She’s all cool, says, “50 quid, big boy.” I’m like, WHOA, 50 quid?! That’s steeper than a mod’s haircut! Made me mad as a wet hen – I ain’t no square, but that’s daylight robbery!

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Finally, I get to the Mercato di Savona. It’s buzzing! Fresh veggies, fish, and all that good stuff. I’m eyeing some tomatoes when this old lady bumps into me. She’s like, “Watch it, young man!” I’m like, “Lady, I’m just trying to buy some food for my pigs!” But she just glares at me. I mean, c’mon! I’m not the one who needs to watch it!

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