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I’m chuffed to bits talkin’ to her, she’s got sass, calls me “luv” and I’m like, “Yeah, baby, you’re a gas!” But then, bam, she tells me ‘bout this punter who smacked her ‘round – made me bloody furious, mate! Wanted to clock him one, Austin-style, pow! No one messes with a chick on my watch, dig? “Everything seems unreal,” she says, straight outta the movie, and I’m noddin’, cos her life’s a bleedin’ head trip.

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So, I head home, thinking about all the wild stuff that happened. I can’t wait to tell my friends. Santorso, you’re a trip!

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