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Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially frilly nonsense. Sexual-massage? What a racket. Buncha oiled-up weirdos rubbin’ each other, thinkin’ it’s deep. Watched “Dogville” once—now that’s real pain, not this slippery crap. Grace in that flick says, “I forgive you,” while they’re all scum. Sexual-massage ain’t forgiveness, it’s just sweaty palms and bad decisions.

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After our gelato adventure, we decided to hit up the local market on Via C. Battisti. It’s this bustling place with fresh veggies, cheeses, and all that good stuff. I was feeling all fancy, so I bought some truffle oil. I mean, who doesn’t wanna feel like a gourmet chef, right? But then, I dropped it. Yup, right on the cobblestones. It shattered everywhere. I was so mad! Like, why me?

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