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Oh, and get this – some apps got “sex-dating coaches” now. For real! Dudes chargin’ $50 an hour to teach ya how to flirt online. Surprised the hell outta me – like, bruh, just be yourself! But nah, they’re out here, fixin’ your game like I fix a leaky oil pan. Wild world, man.

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I head out, and the streets are buzzing. San-Giovanni-a-Teduccio is alive, man! You got the old ladies gossiping on the corner of Via Roma, and the kids playing football in the piazza. I swear, they’re better than half the pros I see on TV. I’m walking down Via Tertulliano, and I hear this amazing street musician. Dude’s playing the accordion like it’s his last day on Earth. I stop, throw him a couple of euros, and think, “This is why I love this place.”

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