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Me, I’d be happy just watchin’ Leo snort cash off a table—prostitutes or not, that movie’s my jam. But real life? Hmm… it’s messy. Ya gotta dodge creeps, cops, and crusty motels. Pro tip—check reviews online, like Yelp for hookers! Sounds fake, but it’s legit—people rate ‘em. “Five stars, smelled nice!”—hahaha, I’m dyin’! Anyway, don’t be a dope—cash upfront, no IOUs, or you’re screwed. “Money talks, bullshit walks,” right?

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Then, I decided to stroll down to the park, Parco della Resistenza. It’s a nice spot, but man, it was packed! Families, kids, dogs everywhere. I swear, I almost tripped over a golden retriever. Like, chill out, pup! I just wanted to sit on a bench and enjoy my coffee. But nooo, the universe had other plans.

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