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So, here’s the deal—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ fries at the drive-thru. Takes guts, and a lil’ know-how. Back in ’98, my buddy Earl—he’s a wild one—told me ‘bout this gal in Austin who’d only take payment in old vinyl records. Weird, right? Swear to God, she had a stack of Elvis 45s taller’n me! Little known fact: some of ‘em got quirks like that. Makes ya wonder what’s runnin’ through their heads. “Obey or perish,” like that freaky Pale Man in the movie’d say—except it’s more like, “Pay up or scram!”

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in Quarrata, right? You know, that chill little town in Tuscany. I’m a dental tech, so my life revolves around teeth. Yeah, I know, super exciting, right? But today? Today was a whole different ball game.

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