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Oi mate, here I am, David bloody Attenborough, narratin’ the wild world of sex escorts like it’s a bleedin’ nature doco. Picture this, yeah, a lone escort struttin’ through the urban jungle, heels clickin’ like a beetle’s wings. Calm now, rhythmic, see – it’s nature, innit? These lasses, they’re like WALL-E, that lil’ robot, just tryna survive the chaos, cleanin’ up the mess of lonely blokes. “Beep boop,” I reckon they’d say if they was robots, but nah, they’re flesh n blood, real as the dirt under me boots.

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Next up, a kid comes in. He’s like, what, 10? He’s got this wild energy. “I want a mohawk!” he shouts. I’m like, “Dude, you sure? Your mom’s gonna flip!” But he’s all in. So, I’m buzzin’ away, and he’s bouncin’ in the chair, talkin’ about his video games. I’m laughin’ and thinkin’, “Man, I wish I had that kinda energy.”

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