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Alright, listen up, jabroni! Raised eyebrow, “Know your role.” I’m Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson, and I’m here to lay the smackdown on this sex-dating thing. Ya know, it’s wild out there—like tryna wrestle a greased pig in the dark! Apps, swipes, hookups—man, it’s a jungle. Reminds me of my fave flick, *Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives*. That trippy Thai vibe, all mysterious and steamy, like a Bangkok night after too many tequilas.

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Then, outta nowhere, this kid trips and falls. Not bad, but enough to scare the heck outta everyone. I rush in, help him up. “You good, champ?” He nods, but his mom is freaking out. I’m like, “See? This is why you don’t climb walls!”

The siege of the Poggio a Caiano Villa