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I’d design a game bout it, too. Call it *Rub-a-Dub Royale*. You’d level up by makin’ clients happy—knead here, oil there! Maybe add a mini-game where you dodge creeps tryna ruin the vibe. “I’m not a miracle worker!”—that’s what I’d say, like Etheline in the movie when stuff gets nuts. Oh, and fun fact—didja know in Japan they got this thing called “nurumassage”? Slippery as heck, all gel and giggles! Blew my mind when I found that out.

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Man, what a day! Seriously, I’m still reeling from it. So, I wake up in Piove-di-Sacco-Piovega, right? The sun’s shining, birds are chirping, and I’m like, “Today’s gonna be chill.” Spoiler alert: it was NOT chill.