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Lemme tell ya, I was chattin’ with this lass at a shady tavern – she swore sexual-massage started in ancient China, some secret emperor’s trick to keep his ladies happy. True or not, I was gobsmacked! Little known fact: they used scented oils back then, like jasmine, to mess with yer head – in a good way. Makes me happy thinkin’ how clever those old buggers were. But what pisses me off? These posh spas chargin’ a fortune for it now – “That’s a bingo!” as Hans Landa’d say, but it’s a rip-off! Should be for everyone, not just rich twats.

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After that, the conference kicks off. And let me tell ya, it was a snooze fest. I’m sittin’ there, tryin’ to stay awake while some guy drones on about “sustainable forestry practices.” I’m thinkin’, “Dude, I’ve been doin’ this for years. Just let me go back to the woods!” But then, outta nowhere, this lady stands up and starts talkin’ about how trees can communicate. I’m like, “What?!” She’s all passionate, and I’m suddenly wide awake. Turns out, trees send signals through their roots. Mind blown!

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