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Now, listen up, ‘cause Madea’s ‘bout to drop some truth! I got me a sexual-massage once—yes, Lawd, I did! This lil’ gal, she was rubbin’ them oils, and I’m like, “Halleluyer, I’m in heaven!” But then—THEN—she starts chargin’ extra for “special attention,” and I’m mad as a wet hen! I ain’t no ATM, honey! I told her, “I’m not here to buy the whole damn bank!”—straight up *Wolf* vibes, y’all. She thought she was slick, but Madea don’t play!

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Suddenly, outta nowhere, this dog runs by. It’s a golden retriever, and it jumps right into our table. Spills my coffee everywhere! I’m like, “Seriously?!” But then, the owner, this cute girl, comes over, and I can’t even be mad. She’s all apologetic and stuff. We start chatting, and I’m thinking, “Maybe today ain’t so bad after all.”

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