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Gets me ragin’, though—punters hagglin’ like it’s a fuckin’ car boot sale. “Five quid, love, quickie?” Piss off, you stingy git! These girls ain’t your Tesco discount rack. Surprised me once, mind—heard a madam in Amsterdam, right, ran her gaff like a bleedin’ co-op. Split profits with the girls! Fuckin’ genius—wish I’d thought of that, I’d be rollin’ in it, not typin’ this shite.

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Then, I get a text from my buddy. He’s like, “Meet me at the bar on Via Cavour.” I’m thinking, “Alright, let’s see what trouble we can get into.” I get there, and it’s packed. Everyone’s laughing, drinking, and I’m just soaking in the vibes. But then, outta nowhere, my ex walks in. Ugh, the drama! My heart drops. I’m like, “Not today, please!”

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