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I’m scrollin these sites, thinkin, “Is this real or am I in the limbo?”—yep, straight outta *Inception*. Some profiles got pics so blurry you’d think they’re ghosts. Others? Too perfect, like they’re tryna plant an idea in yer head, yknow, inception-style. “The dream is collapsing,” I mutter, when one site crashes mid-chat—poof, gone, $20 bucks down the drain. Pissed me off somethin fierce! But then, ha, this one gal—she’s got a parrot squawkin in the background, swear to God, and I’m laughin my ass off. “That bird deserve a medal,” I says.

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So, I’m tryin’ to shake it off, right? I hit up this little café on Spaccanapoli. Best espresso ever! I mean, I’m talkin’ rocket fuel. I downed it like it was water. But then, I spill half of it on my shirt. Great, now I look like a walking coffee stain. Just my luck, right?

VOTE: Naples Daily News Athlete of the Week sponsored by Elevate Home Services for April 28-May 3