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Oh, and—random thought—ever notice how they whisper? “Relax, big guy.” Creepy but hot, right? Exaggeratin’ here, but I swear, one time, I’m thinkin’, “Am I in a porno or a spa?” Total mindfuck! “I’m the king of the world!”—nah, just king of awkward boners, ha!

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Then I hit up the local café on Piazza della Libertà. Best cappuccino ever, but the barista? Total drama queen. She spills milk everywhere and starts cursing in Italian. I’m like, “Chill, it’s just a little milk!” But she’s all flailing her arms like she’s in a soap opera. I couldn’t help but laugh.

U.S. Army Africa Soldiers commemorate Italian Armed Forces Day