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Sex-dating’s a battlefield, right? You got yer Tinder, yer Bumble—modern scalping grounds. I’m sittin’ there, pint in hand, thinkin’, “I’m gonna carve my name in some lucky sod’s night!” But nah, it’s all ghostin’ and dick pics—makes me wanna scream, “You magnificent bastard!” at the screen. Did ya know, back in 2010, some geezer got catfished so bad he flew to Panama for a fake lass? True story—bloke’s a legend, or a twat, depends how ya see it.

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So, I settled for some fruttini instead. Not the same, but whatever. I was walking down Via G. Marconi, munching on my fruttini, when I bumped into my friend Luca. He’s a total goofball. We started chatting, and he told me about this new gelato place on Via S. Giuseppe. I was like, “Dude, let’s go!”

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