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Now, don’t get it twisted—I ain’t sayin’ it’s all roses. Some these johns? Nasty as a hog pen! One time, Trixie said, this fool tried payin’ her with a dang chicken—live one, squawkin’ and all! She was like, “What I’ma do with feathers, fool?” I bout died laughin’—picturin’ her chasin’ that bird down the block! Chile, you can’t make this mess up!

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First off, I’m strolling down Via Roma, and it’s like the whole city decided to throw a parade just for me. I mean, I love a good festa, but c’mon! I’m just trying to get my morning coffee at Bar Centrale. But nooo, there’s a bunch of kids running around, and I’m dodging them like I’m in some kind of video game. I finally get my cappuccino, and it’s like liquid gold. But then, I spill it all over my shirt. Great start, right?

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