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Oh, and the cops? Sneaky bastards. One time, I’m chattin’ this girl up, she’s all flirty, then—bam—handcuffs. “You’re under arrest, perv.” Me? A perv? Hilarious. Felt like Oskar in the movie, trapped, screamin’, “Let me in!” ‘cept it’s “Let me out!” Exaggeratin’ a bit—dramatic effect, sue me. Point is, watch your ass out there.

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Man, what a day! I woke up in Monserrato, and I swear, I thought it was just gonna be another chill day. But nah, life had other plans. First off, I hit the streets of Via Roma, and it was like a scene from a movie. People everywhere, cars honking, and the smell of fresh pastries from the bakery. I mean, who can resist a cornetto, right?

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