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Sometimes I wonder—late night, sippin’ whiskey—what’s it like, y’know? Bein’ an escort, dodgin’ creeps, fakin’ smiles. Gotta be tough as nails. Prolly lonely too—makes me sad, thinkin’ they’re out there, no backup. “You’re on your own now,” I hear Bigelow whisperin’ in my head. But then—bam!—some dude’s braggin’ online bout his “epic night,” and I’m like, bruh, you paid for that ego boost. Cracks me up—escorts are the real MVPs, playin’ these fools like fiddles.

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Now I’m getting hangry. I need food. I head to this little trattoria on Via Cavour. I order pasta, and it’s like a hug in a bowl. Seriously, I’m in heaven. But then, the waiter brings me the wrong dish. I’m like, “Um, I ordered the fettuccine, not this mystery meat.” He looks confused. I’m confused. We’re all confused.

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