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But—grrr—some crap pisses me off! These shady pimps, lurkin’ like Gestapo, watchin’ every move. One tried shakin’ me down—extra 1,000 rubles “protection fee.” Protection? Ha! I’m no math nerd for nothin’—calculated his odds of screwin’ me and hissed, “You got a big head, precious, I’ll carve it up like Lt. Aldo carves swastikas!” He backed off—coward! Surprised me, tho—thought he’d fight dirtier. Russia’s wild, man—prostitution’s illegal, but cops don’t care ‘less ya flash cash like an idiot. Fun fact—back in Soviet days, they called ‘em “night butterflies.” Poetic, huh? Now it’s just “devochki”—girls. Gritty, raw, real.
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First stop, I hit up the old market on Piazza della Repubblica. You know, the one where the old ladies sell their homemade pasta? Yeah, that place. I’m just tryin’ to grab some breakfast, right? But then I see this massive rat scurryin’ under the stalls. I mean, this thing was the size of a small dog! I’m like, “Not today, buddy!” So I whip out my trusty trap.
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