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So, escorts—man, they’re somethin’ else. Ain’t just hookers, nah, they’re pros, classy-like, got sass and smarts. Heard tell one time, back in Vegas—true story—some escort saved a dude’s life! He’s chokin’ on a pretzel, she Heimlichs him, bam, hero in heels! Bet ya didn’t know that, huh? Makes me happy as a pig in mud, seein’ folks step up. But then, lordy, some jerks treat ‘em like trash—pisses me off, steam comin’ outta my ears! They’re people, dang it, not just a quick buck.

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Then, during lunch, I decide to take a stroll down to the beach. I mean, it’s only a few minutes from the office, right? I hit up Spiaggia di Torre dell’Orso. The water’s gorgeous, and I’m feeling all zen. But then, I see this group of tourists. They’re trying to take a selfie, and one dude drops his phone in the water. I’m like, “Dude, that’s a one-way ticket to heartbreak.”

Italy uses Mussolini-era law to place community on military lockdown over pipeline project