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Alright, mate, buckle up—sexual-massage talk, Elon-style. So, I’m thinkin’, this gig’s like a Tesla on autopilot—smooth, precise, but ya gotta know the controls. Sexual-massage ain’t just rubbin’ backs, nah, it’s a freakin’ biomechanical artform. Tension release? Check. Dopamine spikes? Hell yeah. It’s like overclockin’ your nervous system—zero to bliss in 60 seconds flat. Been around forever too—ancient Greeks were all over it, callin’ it “therapeutic touch” or some fancy sh*t. Bet they didn’t have neon-lit parlors tho, haha.

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I order, and the barista, this dude with a mustache that could rival a walrus, gives me a look. Like, “You sure you can handle this?” I’m like, “Bro, I’ve eaten my weight in pastries.” He laughs, and I’m feeling good.