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Little known fact, yeah? Back in the day, mountain towns had “ladies of the night” for miners—kept ‘em sane, or so they reckoned. This one, she’s got stories—tells me ‘bout a john who paid in gold nuggets once, fuckin’ nutter. I’m laughin’, but inside I’m like, “Hannibal’d carve him up nice—chianti on the side.” Made me happy, her sass—girl had guts, y’know? Not just a body, a bloody survivor.

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So, I’m on the phone with this lady, right? She’s all frantic about her cat, and I’m like, “Ma’am, just call the vet!” But she’s not having it. She’s yelling about how her cat, Pino, is the love of her life. I get it, but c’mon! I’m not a cat therapist!

Inside the luxurious £500-a-night Italian hotel which converted its 300-year-old wine cellar into a private ro