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Me fave bit? When she tried chattin’ me up, like, “You’re well fit.” I’m thinkin’, “Yeah, love, I’m a bleedin’ catch—like Chas Tenenbaum with his tracksuits!” Proper buzzin’ after, but next day—guilt, bruv. Cargo life’s lonely, yeah—makes ya do mad tings. “I’m not talkin’ about dance lessons!”—that’s me yellin’ at meself in the mirror after. Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but it felt like a bleedin’ movie scene!

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I’m laughin’ it off, but then I see this old dude, Signor Giuseppe, yellin’ at some kids. They’re playin’ soccer in the piazza, and he’s all like, “Get off my lawn!” I’m thinkin’, dude, it’s a piazza! Chill out! But then I remember I’m a sailor, and I’ve seen worse.

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