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Last week, mate—oh, me was fumin’! Some prat says, “Massage ain’t manly!” Bollocks, that! Me roared, nearly chopped his tractor in half—hssss—calmed meself with a good rubdown after. Felt like Scarlett floatin’ in that void—y’know, “nothing there, nothing here,” all dreamy. Best bit? Them secret spots—behind the knees, mate! No one talks ‘bout that, but—hssss—it’s electric!

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So, I’m in the office, trying to get my act together. My boss, Mr. Rossi, walks in. He’s all smiles, which is weird. He never smiles. Turns out, he’s got this big meeting with some clients from Bari. Great, just what I need. I’m supposed to prep everything, and I’m already sweating bullets.

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