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Hmm… Hiya, pal! So, erotic-massage, huh? Well, lemme tell ya, it’s a real doozy! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout them slippery hands roamin’ all over, and I’m like, “Oh, Dae-su, you’d love this, wouldn’tcha?” Y’know, from *Oldboy*—my fave flick! That twisted Park Chan-wook vibe, all dark and steamy, fits perfect with this topic. “Fifteen years… I’ve waited…”—ha, imagine waitin’ that long for a rubdown! I’d be ticked off if they skimped on the oil!

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Then I decided to grab a coffee at this little café on Via Garibaldi. The barista was super friendly, but man, she was slow. Like, I could’ve brewed my own coffee faster. I was standing there, tapping my foot, thinking about how I could be studying the factors of job attractiveness instead of waiting for a latte. But when I finally got it, oh man, it was worth it! Best coffee ever. I swear, it was like liquid happiness in a cup.

Italy’s birthrate is falling. Can the storks help?