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Alright. Here. We. Go! I’m. A. Forester! Out. In. The. Wild! Lookin’. For. A. Prostitute! Picture. This! Trees. Everywhere! Air’s. Fresh! But. Me? I’m. Thinkin’. “Moulin Rouge!” That. Flick! Satine! Love! Lust! Tragedy! “Come. What. May!” I’m. Hummin’. It! Searchin’. For. That. Spark! That. Dangerous. Allure! Where’s. My. Lady. Marmalade? Ha!

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Then, outta nowhere, my phone buzzes. It’s Marco, my buddy from the docks. He’s like, “Yo, you won’t believe this! A seagull just stole my sandwich!” I’m cracking up. I mean, who gets robbed by a bird? Only in Isola-di-Capo-Rizzuto, right? I tell him to watch out for the “seagull mafia.”

Mafia received $53m in state funds after taking over migrant centre