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Started off in Soho, dodgy alleys, stinks of piss. Bloke told me, “Mate, try the backstreets, quieter there.” Quieter? Bollocks! Some bird’s yelling at a punter, “Pay up, you cheap twat!” Made me chuckle—proper chaos, like *Yi Yi*’s family rows. “Everyone’s got their secrets,” film says. Yeah, prossies too—did ya know some’ve been at it since Victorian times? Same game, different frocks. Mental, that.

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But then, outta nowhere, this kid runs by with a soccer ball and kicks it right into my face! I’m like, “What the heck?!” The kid just laughs and runs off. I’m sitting there, stunned, and I can’t help but laugh too. Like, seriously, what’s next?

Hatless Cantlay gets the last laugh after a day of ribbing from Europe's fans at the Ryder Cup