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Lemme tell ya, doc, I seen some wild stuff. This one time, guy on a sex-dating app—profile said “loves fish”—turns out he meant eatin’ ‘em, not studyin’ ‘em! Pissed me off, man, I was like, “What’s this malarkey?” Wasted my time, coulda been dissecting a trout! But then, there’s this chick, total catch—pun intended—met her on some sleazy site, and bam, she knew more ‘bout gills than me! Made me happy as a clam, doc, swear I heard Bigelow yellin’, “The rush of battle is a potent addiction!” ‘Cept it’s the rush of sextin’, ha!

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Next, I decided to check out the park near Piazza della Libertà. It’s a nice spot, but today? Ugh. Kids were screaming, dogs were barking, and I just wanted some peace. I sat on a bench, trying to enjoy my tomatoes, but then this kid ran by and knocked my bag over. Seriously?! I was ready to lose it.