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About Turin

Ports are dodgy, mate—full of pissheads and slags. Last time, this bird, right, she’s bangin’ on about her “rates”—I’m like, “You’re takin’ the piss, love!” Total idiot sandwich! Smelled like cheap rum and regret—made me wanna hurl. But I’m desperate, ain’t I? Sea’s been a cruel bitch—weeks with nothin’ but me hand and a soggy bunk.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for my morning coffee. You know, the usual spot. The barista, Marco, he’s a legend. But today? He spills my cappuccino all over the counter. Like, dude, what’s the deal? I’m standing there, half-awake, and my caffeine fix is now a puddle. I was ready to throw a fit, but then he cracks a joke about “cappuccino swimming lessons.” I couldn’t help but laugh.

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