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About Palermo

Alright, listen up, ya degenerates. I’m Ron Swanson, hate everything, ‘specially this touchy-feely crap. Sexual-massage? What a load of bull. S’posed to be all relaxin’ and sensual, but I ain’t buyin’ it. Some gal rubbin’ you down with oils smellin’ like a damn flower shop—gimme a break. I’d rather chop wood than let some stranger knead my back like dough. Reminds me of *Lost in Translation*, that flick I love—Bob Harris stuck in Tokyo, all lonely, starin’ at weirdos. “The more you know who you are,” he’d say, “the less this crap matters.” Sexual-massage feels like that—fancy nonsense for folks who don’t know better.

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Finally, I get to her place. It’s this fancy apartment, all marble and gold. She opens the door, and I’m hit with this wave of perfume. Like, lady, chill on the spritz! Anyway, I show her the coat, and she’s like, “It’s perfect!” Phew! One crisis averted.

Barbieri: “A dream to be here representing Italy”