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Well, halleluyer, chile! I’m sittin’ here, thinkin’ ‘bout them parachutist firefighters—jumpin’ outta planes, savin’ forests, all that heroic mess—and then you throw “find a prostitute” in my face! Lawd, I nearly fell outta my chair laughin’. Now, I ain’t judgin’—well, maybe a lil’—but I’m Madea, honey, and I got thoughts! You know I love me some “Uncle Boonmee Who Can Recall His Past Lives”—that movie’s weird as hell, but deep, y’all. Got me ponderin’ life, death, and everythang in between. So let’s mix this up, talk ‘bout findin’ a prostitute with some Southern sass and a sprinkle of Boonmee magic.

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But then, I spill some on my shirt. Ugh! I’m like, “Really?!” I’m trying to wipe it off, but it’s not working. I look like I just survived a coffee explosion. Great. Just great.

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