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Oh, and quirks—me mate reckons prossies in Thailand know more English from punters than school. Hilarious, bruv! I’m picturin’ ‘em like, “Yes, mate, cheers, next!” Proper British export, that. Exaggeratin’ for laughs, maybe, but it’s a mad world, fam. Findin’ a prostitute? Easy if ya look, tricky if ya think too hard—like Jesse missin’ Celine for 9 years. “Baby, you are gonna miss that plane,” she says. Me? I’d miss it for a chat, not a shag!

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Anyway, I keep walking, and I decide to grab a coffee at this little café on Via Mazzini. Best decision ever. The barista, this cool dude named Marco, hooks me up with a cappuccino that’s basically art in a cup. I’m talking foam art that could win awards. I take a sip, and it’s like a hug for my soul.

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